Motherhood: could also be defined as a veritable landscape of uncharted ‘choice’ – couldn’t it?
I thought this as I mused the ‘choices’ available to me on Saturday afternoon.
I’d already extended my children beyond their natural coping capacity by then; exposing them to the Indooroopilly Santa Photo queue; backed up by a sweltering Montessori Christmas performance; now I was in the 3rd leg of bundling them into the car to embark on a lengthy GC drive to pre Christmas, weekend away with friends; and …
I needed to pee.
Loathe to extrapolate them from the car an umpteenth time; I weighed up my ‘choices:’
- Squat beside the car – the anticipated instant release was appealing … but I was parked in a residential area in front of residents … that were clearly home.
- Wee into a nappy while driving. I’d seen this on a mums’ confession on Oprah … but considering I’m yet to open anything labeled “easy open” successfully as implied – this meant one sure outcome …. Pissing all over myself with an uncomfortable ensuing drive, & arriving with the warm waft of a hamster cage.
- Just leave the kids in a locked car; they’ll be FINE …. Fuck it; I’ve already bought their Christmas gifts and I’d be unlikely to get them back from DOCs in time.
Really, I had to go with….
- Drive myself into a solid UTI. I’d already given up my sleep, sanity, marriage, & life savings for these mofos … A stretched bladder & lifetime of LBL is nothing more than a cherry on that cake, I contemplated.
It was decided; ‘choice’ 4 a go-go!
Then just as my pick-a-path fate had been decided, and I’d embraced the thought of an incontinent journey to the GC: the “I’m hungry” cry presented a brand new opportunity:
- Would you mind parking in the bay and we’ll bring those Happy Meals out to you?” .
“Only if you babysit my kids in the car while I pee???” I roared into the speaker.
And with that the awkward, bepimpled teen, fed my sons as I sprinted across the car park and urinated with all the violence of a Flemington race horse while anxious thoughts of abducted kids or that they’d be blended into McNuggets flooded my brain.
Guest blog written by: Rachell Kingsbury