Motherhood: could also be defined as a veritable landscape of uncharted ‘choice’ – couldn’t it?
I thought this as I mused the ‘choices’ available to me on Saturday afternoon.
I’d already extended my children beyond their natural coping capacity by then; exposing them to the Indooroopilly Santa Photo queue; backed up by a sweltering Montessori Christmas performance; now I was in the 3rd leg of bundling them into the car to embark on a lengthy GC drive to pre Christmas, weekend away with friends; and …
I needed to pee.
Loathe to extrapolate them from the car an umpteenth time; I weighed up my ‘choices:’
- Squat beside the car – the anticipated instant release was appealing … but I was parked in a residential area in front of residents … that were clearly home.
- Wee into a nappy while driving. I’d seen this on a mums’ confession on Oprah … but considering I’m yet to open anything labeled “easy open” successfully as implied – this meant one sure outcome …. Pissing all over myself with an uncomfortable ensuing drive, & arriving with the warm waft of a hamster cage.
- Just leave the kids in a locked car; they’ll be FINE …. Fuck it; I’ve already bought their Christmas gifts and I’d be unlikely to get them back from DOCs in time.
Really, I had to go with….
- Drive myself into a solid UTI. I’d already given up my sleep, sanity, marriage, & life savings for these mofos … A stretched bladder & lifetime of LBL is nothing more than a cherry on that cake, I contemplated.
It was decided; ‘choice’ 4 a go-go!
Then just as my pick-a-path fate had been decided, and I’d embraced the thought of an incontinent journey to the GC: the “I’m hungry” cry presented a brand new opportunity:
- Would you mind parking in the bay and we’ll bring those Happy Meals out to you?” .
“Only if you babysit my kids in the car while I pee???” I roared into the speaker.
And with that the awkward, bepimpled teen, fed my sons as I sprinted across the car park and urinated with all the violence of a Flemington race horse while anxious thoughts of abducted kids or that they’d be blended into McNuggets flooded my brain.
Thank you, McDonald’s for my massive McPiddle and extended capacity to take on more caffeine: choice 5. made all the difference #motherhood #thechoicesareboundless
Guest blog written by: Rachell Kingsbury
